The lessons of “manhood” seem to have been taught to young boys and adult men alike. “Men don’t cry”, “Men don’t feel pain” and other such stereotypes have been a part of what our society has propagated for a very long time. Bollywood has done us no favours. Men with biceps, protecting women from harm’s way from those who were always being emotionally distant and never breaking in the midst of crisis are common representations in Bollywood. A strong whiff of these “manhood” lessons seems to be in the air that no one can get rid of for centuries.
From the very start of life, men have been the recipient of subtle remarks teaching them how to be a man. The blue toy cars and other such toys are perhaps the first step and the first lesson to reinforce to men that they are different and that the culture has entirely different sets of expectations from them. Such unfair expectations are embedded in our culture as values instead of the unnecessary myths that they are. These are constantly reinforced to them throughout their lives through media and other men in their lives. It’s almost like a cult! And what does the cult preach?
Well, for starters, Men are the breadwinners of the family. With equal opportunities cropping up for women, women have effectively risen up to positions where men no longer need to be the sole providers in a family. The responsibility can as easily be given to women. Apart from such an enormous social pressure, society actively expects to identify men with attributes such as strength, aggression, almost negligible display of emotions and last but not the least, heterosexuality. These constitute the mark of a “Real Man”. Men reach for these stereotypes with the exhaustion of being someone else and if they strive to be something different, society confronts them with the most derogatory labels.
But why is it even important when men seem to be completely fine with the stereotypes of their roles? Little do people know that striving to meet such unrealistic and highly unfair standards can impact men’s mental, physical as well as social health. At times, it is these results that go to extreme acts of suicide and other mental health diseases that claim their original self and obliterate their original identities.
Maybe it is the inspiration that we need to seek from K-pop’s rise where men are no longer raggedy and cavemen but soft and expressive.It is time that these shackles of the past be broken with the hammer that is modern understanding of gender. A gender doesn’t demand and define how an individual ought to be but its people and their little eccentricities that make them their original self. Men should be allowed to be emotionally, mentally and physically vulnerable. Spaces should be created where they feel safe to be expressive about their authentic selves and escape the societally created gender roles. There needs to be a global acceptance that these gender stereotypes are unfair and it’s crucial to scrape them off as soon as we can.
